Marriage and Prayer

²But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. ³The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. ⁴The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. ⁵Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.God's word is very frank and practical. It isn't afraid to directly address sensitive issues, or issues of practical importance.

What is being said here?
First, the obvious application of the passage: The preservation of the sanctity of marriage.

God acknowledges our natural appetites, and directs us to their proper and healthy uses.

Physical intimacy is sanctioned within marriage. [You might notice also, that there is no ambiguity about the relationship: one male, one female.]
More than sanctioned, the marriage covenant is elevated and sanctified in Hebrews 13.

Marriage is especially significant to a Christian because it is a picture of the relationship between Christ and His Church. -- but we will come to that point shortly.

What is required of husband and wife?

In contrast to the Shiite law which states that a man must be permitted to approach his wife every 4th day, the Bible requires that we respond to one another's affections. What this means is NOT a legalistic mark-the-days-on-the-calendar sense. Who wants their loved one to engage in a merely mechanical duty-based response? Yuck.

To belabour the point a little, the Bible is not a hard-and-fast-comply-at-gunpoint instruction in this matter. Every commandment is kept by loving (1) God and (2) one another.

As Christians we are to be available our spouses. No using intimacy as a leverage for behaviour modification. No punishing the spouse by withheld affection. Intimacy (at any level) is to be freely returned, because (and only because) of our mutual love. We have been made one, this motivates us to nurture the relationship. To fix quarrels quickly. To remain positive, kind and loving to one another. The only exception noted was fasting, and then only under an agreed circumstance. Recap: no unilateral withholding of intimacy with your spouse. (By the way... Men, this includes emotional intimacy.)

I Peter 3:7 shows a relationship between giving proper honor to your spouse and the effectiveness of your prayers. If you fail to honour your spouse (in this case, wife), it will inhibit your prayers.

REMEMBER: Marriage is to be a picture, or an echo of the relationship between Christ and His Church.

What does this tell us? First, that we should not think we who call Christ "Lord" can pick and choose which of his ways are worth following. He is Lord, or He is not. We can't have it both ways. He does not heap heavy burdens on us, and what he does ask of us is less than what He himself gave to us.

Second, since it tells us about our reasonable response to Christ, it also tells us about what we can expect about His reaction toward His bride (the Church).

He does not withdraw His affections. He is good. He has already given himself for His Church, and in so doing, proven His love for her. We should be confident that he hears and answers when we call.

Consider this, too: If natural marriage is given this instruction to safeguard the relationship between man and wife, so that they will delight in one another, and not seek some unlawful outside comfort, what does this tell us about Christ and his Church?

He is our delight. He is our delight in His PERSON, not just His benefits.

Would our good God and Saviour withdraw Himself from us? We are made to worship. We are "idol factories". If we do not find ourselves worshiping God, we worship elsewhere.

Whatever comfort, hope, identity, satisfaction or delight might lawfully be sought in God, is an abomination when sought in the Created Order. We cannot help ourselves, we worship. If God were to withdraw Himself, we would worship something else. Would a loving husband put his spouse intentionally into equivalent temptation? No! You can see a picture of how he guards and purifies his love in Hosea. Re-read that seldom-read Biblical book if you haven't lately.

Paul connects the dots in Ephesians. These (Eph 5:22-33) should be verses that inform and embolden us in our faith, and fan our love for the Lamb of God. They explicitly transpose some aspect of the unity and reciprocity of marriage to the mystery of Christ and His Church.